


Deviations

by ChewyKookie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChewyKookie/pseuds/ChewyKookie
Summary: There was nothing constant in life except for change, but she was just a little too blind to notice, and he was a little too impatient to wait any longer (Rivamika week, Day 2: Gladioli)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Another old one from tumblr/fanfiction, but definitely my favorite. I'll edit this later once i figure out how this site works lol. Hope you like!

Mikasa knew it shouldn’t bother her at this point in the game, especially when it had become an irrevocable pattern in her life. She had long since become accustomed to change and abandonment- such things shouldn’t concern her anymore, not when she had gained so much and lived so little. _It’s better this way_ , her mind reasoned, _It was only a matter of time_. She assured herself of this time and time again, even as the sting in her fists and the ache in her heart said otherwise.

A sudden kick in the ribs tore her from her thoughts, startling her. Eyes wide, she barely had time to throw up her arms and block the oncoming blow to her face. Mikasa winced, her bones throbbing from the impact, and glared spitefully at her adversary. Levi remained apathetic.

“You’re not concentrating.” The shorter man intoned, making her stiffen in annoyance. Eyes narrowing, she fell back into her fighting stance before briskly rushing forward. She angrily threw a series of sharp, quick punches, but even then he evaded her jabs with ease, infuriating her further. “And your blows are getting sloppy.” As if to prove his point, his arm suddenly flashed forward and grabbed her wrist, twisting it until she was forced to jerk back. She shook off the tingling in her hand, yet even the pain couldn’t seem to knock her out of her stupor. Insistent thoughts and worries clawed at the back of her mind, distracting her, and it only made the jumbled mess in her head all the more irritating. He seemed to see the growing frustration in her eyes because he sighed, more than a little exasperated. “Let me guess,” he said, in an almost bored tone, “This is about Jaeger.” Her mouth immediately twisted, grey eyes flashing like lightning.

As if to solidify his claim the girl suddenly struck out hard, snapping her fist so powerfully into his stomach that he grunted. _Not bad_ , he thought, before weaving sharply to avoid her lethal uppercut. Finally gaining her attention, Levi feinted to the right before swiftly aiming a dig to her side; this time she dodged, instead pulling a bolo punch of her own. Growing in sync with each other, the spar quickly escalated into an accustomed rhythm between them, kicks and cuffs swiftly melding together into a familiar dance. It wasn’t until the two were completely attune that she responded.

“Eren has nothing to do with this.” She hissed, narrowly escaping his chokehold by gracefully dipping into crouch. She quickly slid to her feet, just in time to see him actually roll his eyes.

“With you, that brat _always_ has something to do with it.” She tried to grab him into a headlock, but he expertly avoided her and instead landed a blow to her gut. “Mind telling me what’s wrong?” It was more of an order than a question, but she paid no mind to it as she rammed her elbow into his side. She had grown used to these talks during practice, for this had become a common occurrence between the two of them over the years.

In all honesty, she didn’t know when the transition had happened or when she had started to view him more as a comrade than an enemy, but somehow her initial hate for him had slowly dulled to respect. Mikasa had originally held a notorious grudge for her captain, one that had only dimmed slightly at the time of Annie’s capture, and it wasn’t until she had been ordered to train under him directly that the change had occurred. Over weeks of training- over simple communication that eventually evolved into deep conversations, between sarcastic barbs and rare words of praise - they had somehow become equals in one anothers’ eyes. It had been so subtle and riveting that it had escaped her attention; she didn’t know how and she didn’t know when, but they had come to trust each other on an almost intimate level.

Yet another shift she hadn’t noticed.

“It’s nothing,” she repeated, albeit hesitantly. Winded, she heaved a sigh and rolled her shoulders. At his dubious look, however, she relented, “It’s just that I’ve noticed that Eren and I have… _drifted_ , for the lack of a better term, more so than usual. Even Armin’s noticed, though I don’t think he minds it all that much.” Feeling childish and frustrated all at once, she shrugged. “It’s been bothering me for the past few days.”

Levi said nothing, instead he turned and motioned towards the bench for a brief break. Relieved- for they’d been vigorously sparring for nearly an hour- she followed him and quietly sat down, accepting his canteen of water with a small nod. Faintly, she noticed their fingers brush and how her pulse stuttered at the contact, but she ignored it and instead blamed it on the intense match she had just endured. She took a quick swig from the container then returned it and the two sat silently, catching their breaths. It wasn’t until her thoughts came creeping back that he spoke, though his question shocked her to stillness.

“Do you still love him?” It was posed so abruptly and seriously that she stiffened, caught off guard. This time her heart hammered for a different reason, though whether it was out of shock or his audacity to question her about it so _bluntly_ she didn’t know (maybe it was from something else entirely, her mind supplied, but she stubbornly pushed that thought away). Though, in retrospect, it shouldn’t be all that surprising- this was _Levi_ , after all, and they had touched this topic more than once in the past. Relaxing, she released another sigh.

“No, "she said calmly, "At least, not like that. Not anymore.” He seemed appeased by her answer, easing slightly, and even she had come to realize how easily she could say so now. She had long since grown out of that romantic affection she’d had for Eren. It hadn’t been hard, though it _had_ been a little painful- especially when he had never turned to look her way, despite her many efforts. It wasn’t long after that she realized her affection for him was only a misplaced sense of gratitude, rooted from humbleness and grown to kinship. However, that hadn’t made her any less protective of him- if anything, it only made her want to help him more.

Out of habit she reached her neck to seek comfort from her scarf, before remembering she had put it aside at the beginning of training. Levi’s eyes narrowed sharply at the action, frowning a little more than usual, but she remained oblivious as she awkwardly set her hand back down. Tightening his hand wraps he abruptly stood up, signaling that break was over, before responding.

“Then let him grow up a bit.” He muttered irately, heading back to the mat, “You can’t coddle him forever.” Though the intention was good the words were rough, and it couldn’t flatten the rising anger in her gaze. She didn’t know when the conversation had taken an abrupt turn, but she wouldn’t take that comment lying down, especially when Eren was involved.

“I’m not coddling him,” she snapped, rushing after him to the sparring circle, “I’m protecting him!” He simply settled back into his fighting stance, pinning her with a hard look.

“No, you're _suffocating_ him.” he corrected blandly, with such an impassive tone that she shook with frustration. The damned shorty knew exactly how to push her buttons, even as they’d had similar conversations so many times before, and the fact that he stayed completely calm and collected while doing so _pissed her off_ to no end.

Eyes flashing, she swiftly swung a roundhouse kick, wanting nothing more than to wipe that condescending look off his face. But with a speed of a cobra Levi ducked, his ankle snapping forward and quickly swept her legs from under her. She landed with a harsh thud, her breath momentarily knocked away, but she refused to go down without a fight.

“I’m trying to keep him alive,” she growled, rolling fluidly to her feet before countering a jab to the shoulder, “I’ve lost enough people as it is.” For a moment the tension in the room seemed to lessen, stifling their anger with a bit of remorse, but it ended as all moments did, and just as quickly the atmosphere blackened again. Levi’s next words were heavy, even as he remained almost inhumanely light on his feet.

“So have I.” he murmured, striking our harshly with his heel, “And I can assure you from personal experience that you can’t save everyone, Ackerman. You know that more than anyone else.” And despite how much she hated those words, she knew they were true. _All the more reason to fight even harder_ , she thought, her eyes glinting like steel.

“That doesn’t mean I won’t try.” She stated lowly, determinedly, and suddenly his expression shifted to something darker.

“Why the hell does it matter to you?” He snapped, eyes burning with an emotion she couldn’t decipher and, frankly, didn’t try to. She was just as angry right now, if not more, and his words were only fanning those flames. “You’re trying so hard to keep him near that you’d even risk endangering his life.”

“I’m not endangering him!” She exclaimed, jamming a right hook hard into his torso. The fight had somehow escalated beyond their synchronized routine, instead spiraling with more ferocity and power than any of their previous spars had. Each blow was like a gunshot- lethal, precise and jarring- and even blocking techniques would leave their flesh patterned with bruises. Neither of them cared though, and neither expression faltered in the face of this new pain and anger.

“And what do you think will happen if, for just a moment, you’re not there for him? If he ends up relying on you _too much?_ ” he snarled, grabbing her arm and pinning it painfully against her spine, “You can’t shelter him to the point of him being completely useless alone.” He breathed harshly in her ear, and with a sharp twist she broke free of his hold, spinning to deliver a devastating clip to his jaw. His head snapped back, if only for a second, but his recovery was instant and unfaltering. They were panting now, sweat slicking across their skin, and when Mikasa answered there was a note of desperation in her voice.

“I don’t want to let him go,” She murmured, a brief tiredness galloping across her expression, “we’ve been straying apart enough as it is.” The anger in his eyes seemed to soften momentarily, but he still uttered clipped words of his own.

“And you two have been just fine, if not better.” He stated reasonably, the spar stalling as the two stood back to check themselves, “So why is it bothering you now?”

 _That’s what I’ve been trying to ask myself_ , she wanted to say, but instead she grimaced and adjusted her hand wraps. She knew the two had grown better with distance, knew Eren had improved on a more personal front while she had strengthened under Levi’s training, but the thought still nagged at her and she didn’t know why.

“I don’t know,” was her muttered reply, eyes glazing forlornly as she completed her task, “The worst part is that I’ve been completely _fine_ about it. I didn’t even notice it until now. I don’t even know when it started.” Perhaps that was the problem, she thought sullenly, even if it had already been happening for years. Nothing was constant except for change- this had been a hard earned lesson in her life -yet the delayed realization of how much had actually altered struck her harder than it should have. She didn’t like change, she realized, even if it was impossible to stop.

“Then why are you so hell bent on fighting it?” he asked, as if reading her mind. He dragged a hand through his hair and sighed, aggravation evident in his tone, “I get that you care for him, and I get that you’re trying to help him, but you have to let some things go.” Her body went rigid at that, because if there was one thing that she’d come to understand about herself it was that she tended to hold grudges- that it wasn’t in her nature to let things _go_.

“And what if he doesn’t need me?” she cried, (because in the end, that was one of her greatest fears). Her fists clenched. “What if I don't _want_ things to change?” Just like that the tension returned, sharp and quick, and this time his voice was merciless.

“Change is bound to happen, Ackerman, whether you like it or not, and being hung up on Jaeger isn’t going to do a damn thing.” Levi suddenly rammed her hard, her body jarring from his powerful left hook. “If you keep holding him back he’ll only end up resenting you, and then he really _will_ leave you behind.”

That last statement was her undoing. Suddenly all she wanted to do shut him up, for once to knock him down hard enough to render him silent, because every word he said was true- everything he said had been echoing in the back of her mind, and more than anything she wanted to lash out at how utterly _unprepared_ for it she truly was. It was with those embittered thoughts that her anger spiked, and in a moment of fury her foot struck out and rammed hard into his ankle- the very same ankle he had snapped saving her all those years ago. She knew it was a cheap shot, even if he had told her before that there were no such things as 'cheap shots’ ( _survival is all that matters, Ackerman, and you have to strike by any means necessary in order to attain it._ ) but she still felt a rush of power course through her as he winced and toppled back harshly. Instantly she pounced on him, using what little strength she had left to pin his body down beneath hers roughly. Straddling his waist and fingers curling into his wrists, she paid no mind to the sudden stiffness of his form or the widening of his eyes and instead glared down at him.

“What would you know?” she hissed, pressing down until there was only a sliver of space between them, until their breaths were mingling and the charge between them was almost palpable. “About caring about someone so deeply- about trying to give them the best thing possible- and not having them acknowledge you in the _slightest?_ ” She realized, belatedly, that they were crossing some line between superior and subordinate now- that she was just too close for comfort, that what _should_ be defined as something wrong felt so inherently and exhilaratingly _right_ \- but she pushed those thoughts away and instead glared down challengingly at the man under her. “What the _hell_ would you know about that?”

Something flared in his eyes then- something raw, and carnal, and desperate- and in a flash he was on her, his strength overpowering hers until the world shifted across her vision. Suddenly he was straddling _her_ hips, arms pinning her as his body both hovered and caged her.

“A lot more than you think.” He whispered darkly, huskily, before suddenly he descended and slammed his lips hard against her own. Her grey eyes widened, all anger leaving her body as shock overwhelmed her, because she _couldn’t_ be on the ground right now, her mind screamed, with her captain pinning her down and _kissing her_.

Immediately her hands were on his shoulders- because this was wrong, and mind boggling, and shouldn’t even be _happening_ \- but her fingers remained frozen, as if they couldn’t decide whether to push him away of drag him closer. But then his mouth parted, and something in her ignited as his tongue probed insistently against her lips, teeth nipping and nibbling fervently at her flesh. After a particularly hard bite she gasped, and not one to miss an opportunity, his tongue immediately plunged inside- and suddenly the sensation was too much, the taste of him too bittersweet and addicting, and she moaned, surrendering herself to oblivion.

She responded heatedly, pressing her lips urgently against his own, tongue wrestling with his in a spar of different kind. She suddenly felt as if she was on fire, her skin hot and her heart racing, a stifling warmth seeping in from everywhere they touched. He groaned, the vibrations of which had her toes curling, and suddenly he pressed her more firmly against him, soft curves molding to his own hard frame. She shivered, sliding her hand upward until it tangled into his hair and tugged hard. This time he hissed, but before she could revel at her small victory his his hand shifted, and suddenly he was tracing feather-light fingers across her bare abdomen, across her spine, along her jaw- and he smirked against her lips as she writhed and moaned at the action. He abruptly tore their lips apart, and instead pressing wet, open mouthed kisses against her throat, licking and biting her flesh in a way that made the flame in her veins burn hotter. This time she gasped, her back arching off the ground and pushing herself impossibly closer to his body, fingers digging into his shoulder as if to anchor her there. Her other hand grazed slowly down his chest, nails faintly dragging against his bare torso at a near torturous speed. He shuddered, ramming his mouth back against hers hungrily until there was nothing but heat between them- furling, searing, blinding heat that should have singed her but instead made her feel alive.

But even eternity had its limits and they broke for air (because even humanity’s strongest needed to breathe) and for a few moments there was only gasping, and heated looks, and a growing electricity between their bodies. Then reality suddenly came crashing down on her and she stiffened, realizing just how hard she had herself against him, realizing just how strongly she reacted to his touch, to his taste, to _him_. Immediately the urge to flee kick-started within her, but she was still pinned to the ground and only succeeded to push her spine harshly against the floor. The sudden movement snagged his attention, and the haze faded. His eyes narrowed, brows furrowing.

“What…?” Her voice trailed off, throat tightening as she swallowed. Her pulse was stuttering for an entirely different reason now, and this time she couldn’t bury it behind petty logic and stubborn fronts. She didn’t know what to ask, didn’t know what to say, because her thoughts were zipping a mile per second, and she couldn’t distinguish one reaction from the rest. What had just happened? How did they get here, at this stage in their game, and why did he kiss her? And why did she _respond?_ Why she wanted nothing more to haul his body right back to hers. Why she suddenly craved his touch more than air itself- or had it not been so sudden, had she been craving it for all this time? She didn’t know. She glanced up at the man looming over her, pursing her lips. She found that she hadn’t known a lot of things.

He seemed to notice the onslaught of emotion in her gaze (because if she now knew anything, it was that Levi noticed almost everything) and frowned, looking off to the side. With an aggravated sigh he sat up, just enough to give her space but not nearly enough to defuse the tension between them. She watched as he rubbed the back of his neck, for once looking disgruntled and the slightest bit disarmed. She watched the way his unsteady breathing mirrored her own, the way his hair was now tousled and disheveled, and how his entire body coiled and glistened with sweat- and once again her treacherous heart fluttered. He looked completely unhinged, and the sight of it fascinated her beyond belief.

“It pisses me off.” He muttered abruptly- the words surprising her- but as she opened her mouth to speak he looked at her, and the emotion in those blue eyes robbed her of her voice. Suddenly his impassive expression was gone, and for a second that previously unbreakable mask was replaced by a whirl of power and defeat, of pent up turmoil and frustration. It singed her, silenced her, but most of all it lured her in like a moth to a flame. His tongue sharpened and like bullets he fired away at her, words snapping sharply and heatedly. “It pisses me off how much you put others’ priorities above your own. It pisses me off to know that you’ll do just about anything for Jaeger, even if it ends up being the worst possible outcome for you.” His eyes narrowed dangerously, all things frustrated and apparent in his gaze. “But most of all, _it pisses me off_ how you can pick up just about anything that involves that brat- how you’re so _fucking obsessed_ with his safety-that you can’t even see all the other things happening around you.”

Her brow crinkled, confused. Memories of their squad, her missions, subtle changes and phases flooded her mind- and suddenly it clicked, everything about him suddenly made sense, and her chest tightened almost painfully in realization- and something else. He was fond of her; more than just a soldier, more than just companionship or a simple lusting- it had somehow grown to something else entirely, but something that refused to wither with time. Her spine stiffened, and her eyes widened, but her heart was pounding so hard she thought it would break through her ribs. As if realizing she had _finally_ understood what he meant (as if their rather intense actions hadn't _already_ made it obvious), he rolled his eyes and his usual impassive look shifted back into place.

“For a woman worth a hundred soldiers, you’re pretty damned blind.” He sighed ruefully, a mixture of irritation and affection in his voice. Finally he stood up, running a hand through his hair resignedly, and immediately she craved for the warmth that had seeped away, the one he had just taken with him. With a backwards wave he left, vaguely ordering her to clean up and get out now that practice was over, but his commands fell on deaf ears. He exited, and then Mikasa was left alone with her thoughts.

She sat there for a long while, her body seeming almost languid even as her mind was on a full rampage. His words echoed in her head, their recent passion utterly _seared_ into memory no matter how hard she tried to push it back, and finally she put aside her pride and realized everything he said was the clear and utter truth. She hadn’t noticed it, but she had been an object of change long before this drift with Eren. It had been there when she had grown from a little girl and into a warrior. It had been there when her family slowly expanded from Eren and Armin, until the entire squad had burrowed their way into her heart. It had been there when she started opening up to Sasha, when she had cracked a smile at one of Connie’s and Jean’s antics; how she had slowly become a little less reckless during missions, how certain tragic memories didn’t hurt quite as much as they used to. All of it had happened right under her radar, and she had never even acknowledged it.

Time was an illusion, Armin would always tell her, and change was constant. She never thought she could have missed such obvious transitions, even as she had unknowingly conformed to them.

And suddenly it hit her hard, her feelings for the captain, knocking the wind from her lungs in a way that even a Titan’s fist couldn’t manage. She had come to like him. She had come to care for him just as deeply, to treasure him just as fondly- and she hadn’t even noticed it until _now_ (or had she simply denied it up until this point?). Something coiled in her chest, something akin to shame and guilt, because the signs had all been glaring at her since the beginning, _right there_ in front of her. The way his touch would linger just a little too long on her body. The way her eyes faltered just a little too long on his form. The way they could speak a million words in a single glance; the way the air seemed to charge between them, completely mutual yet going beyond attraction and lust and transcending to what could only be described as utter _rightness_. The shifts had all been there, _every last one_ , and yet she had never seen them, _refused_ to see them.

And he’d known. He’d known the whole time, had probably waited for months on end for her to realize it on her own, to acknowledge that very shift in their communion- but she had been stubborn, and oblivious, and even a bit narrow minded. The realization left her breathless, but it also intensified the sharp coiling in her gut. She was so _foolish_ , she thought grimly, fists slowly clenching at her sides. _Blind, indeed._

Suddenly she was running, a new found determination coursing through her limbs, and she quickly dashed out the training room and down the corridor outside. She spotted him at the very end of the hallway, broad back stiff as he continued to his room, and with a feeling that could only be described as desperation she called out after him. With a burst of speed she rammed into him hard, surprising them both with its sudden jarring strength, and inwardly she winced because _damn_ that was going to leave a bruise- probably an even darker one on him. Levi grunted, grimacing as his spine jerked sharply at the unexpected blow, before turning to pin her with an angry glare.

“The _fuck_ Ackerman-” his outrage was silenced, however, when she slammed her lips against his with equal bruising force, trying to convey everything that bubbled within her in that one hard kiss. It was short, only lasting a second compared to what had transpired in the training room, yet it still left her breathless as she pulled away. He remained stiff, eyes glazed with hunger and quite a bit of confusion (though in all honestly she didn’t blame him- she had just about _tackled_ the guy and then _harassed_ him in the middle of the hallway), but before he said anything she spoke.

“What if…” Her voice trailed off, cheeks burning, but she swallowed back her embarrassment and tried again, “What if I like _this_ change?” For a moment there was silence, her words and their message hanging thickly in the air, before his image shifted and suddenly his eyes burned with something far fiercer and brighter- something that threatened to scorch her very bones, though she would happily succumb to those flames.

“It’s about damned time, Ackerman.” He grumbled, though there was no real anger in his words, and he leaned forward to seal his lips fervently, passionately against hers- until she thought she would be lost to oblivion. This time she didn’t hesitate to respond, smiling as her own lips molding just as eagerly and deeply against his.

Ironic, she thought faintly, how her arms tightened around his neck so forcefully, even as she let herself fall to the depths below.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are welcome! Thanks for reading :)


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